This is where I ought to put all that bullshit crap about what this story is really about. I could write you an essay about the world’s biggest flaws and yell at you “stop posting your sympathy on Twitter or Facebook and do something about it instead”. But I won’t. I could write you the story of my life, the many facial surgeries I’ve had since I was 2-3 months old and how it fucked up my identity and sexuality. But I won’t.
Instead I wan to talk to you about pigeons.
You probably know them. They sit at every major plaza in historical cities all around the world. They’re grey, eternally hungry for bread crumbs or whatever suits their beak, and they are not afraid of humans. Seriously, they don’t know the term fear like kittens, who hear the vacuum cleaner turned on or a dog seeing the sparkle of fireworks just waiting for the crack to snap in its ears. That’s what fear is.
Fearless is the title of a Jet Li movie, but you might already know that. A fierce man battling his own pride in the search for revenge when in the end it turns out to be himself he is battling.
Inner struggles are often difficult to depict. They cause commotion in your self-perception, affecting your social skills negatively. Lack of discipline makes you an indecisive person in other people’s eyes, not strong enough to withstand the lurking temptations of this world. But what’s worst about inner struggle is that it resembles your own personality disorder and often contains division and doubt. About who you are, what your opinions are and what your actions should be. Either you chose to let society decide for you, losing your integrity to the values stated by others and not yourself. Or you develop opinions slowly, by each and every event that you encounter on your path in life, which you have to make a stand for in some way. However way you chose to act, you will always encounter doubt. Even when you think the inner struggle is over. Even when you think you did something right which in the end proves to be wrong.
But if you suddenly feel it, that surge in your guts, that shows you’re not indifferent, and you actually take a stand displaying your opinions, you stand your ground, no longer doubting yourself. Inner struggle or not, when that surge comes to you, you have found yourself. You have found what you live for and what you sense is the definite truth. Even when people dishonour you for your courage to say what you mean and feel, even when everyone turn their backs on you, you must stay strong and believe in yourself. The greatest revelation cannot be ignored, be it scientific, religious or some other sort of revelation.
The inner struggle is your first step to opposing the world and implement what you believe upon it. Who gives a flying swagger what everyone else says as long as you feel right, as long as you are happy; as long as you’ve made your peace with your demons. Then the struggle against the outside world begins. But not even the world can get you down. You are part of it, like a cancer cell transforming rapidly, and you can change it by making the right decisions. Whatever your motives, be they good or bad, you can succeed.
And you will succeed.
This is a story about opposition, about inner struggle as well as fight for justice and love. Not one person is identical, not one person fights with the same intentions. But they all succeed. In one way or the other. No one is the villain, or the hero.
No one will ever win, but they will all succeed.
Such is my story, and everyone else’s. There are no enemies in the world, only opposition and differences in the perception of values. And only when you chose to fight them, because they are different from your own beliefs, then you become the villain yourself, and not the hero that you might believe you are.
Such is my story.